Who Am I?

Am I the woman who has an innocent little girl hiding inside of her? Is she waiting and looking for the chance to come out and be heard? I have always been thought of as weird and unworthy of a real childhood in my mind. My whole existence is a mistake so I've heard. I didn't ask to be here so why did she keep me if she hated me so much? Who can explain the woman that barely knows herself? So I ask again the same question that has been in my heart for years. Who am I?

Am I the child that was born with a "silver spoon" in her mouth? Was I born into a family that loved kids and loved each other? I can't exactly answer that one but then again it has nothing to do with who I am or who I could be. I know that right now I feel like I'm nothing but I wish to exist to someone. I have children and they love me. I wish for them to not feel as I do about myself. I tell them I love them everyday. They give me hugs and kisses on my cheeks and tell me I'm the best mom they've ever had as if sometime before they had another in my place. They are so beautiful but I can't believe they are apart of me.

All these years I've been told by many that I'm useless and unworthy of happiness. Good friends are hard to find but an enemy is always near by. My search for who I am began when my brother died. Shot down like an animal, dead in the street. Before then I thought I knew me but that person was just a child within a child lacking love and understanding. I'm too emotional they say, too caught up in what life was and not what it is. Anyhow, I'm sure my search is far from over. I always tell people if you want to know who I am just read my poetry. There are many sides to me...for now. I figure one day I'll be one sided. Until then this is as close as you're going to get to a bio. Enjoy the site!